You probably build websites and think your stuff is special. You think your 13 megabyte parallax-ative home page is going to get you some Awwward banner you can glue to the top corner of your site. You think your 40-pound jQuery file and 83 polyfills make IE7 happy because it finally has box-shadow. Wrong, dude. Let me describe your perfect website:
You. Are. Over-designing. Look at this site. It's a decent website. Why do you need to animate a trendy banner flag when I hover over that? You spent hours on it and added 80 kilobytes to your stuff, and some dude jabbing at it on their iPad with fat sausage fingers will never see that. Not to mention blind people will never see that, but they don't see any of anything (so there's that).
You never knew it, but this is your perfect website. Here's why.
This entire page weighs less than the gradient-meshed facebook logo on your Wordpress site. Did you seriously load 100kb of jQuery UI just so you could animate the background color of a div? Like seriously, dude! You loaded all 7 fontfaces of a crappy webfont just so you could say "Hi." at 100px height at the beginning of your site? You silly.
You silly. You thought you needed media queries to be responsive, but no. Responsive means that it responds to whatever screensize it's viewed on. This site doesn't care if you're on an iMac or a some Tamagotchi.
Look at this. You can read it ... that is, if you can read, dude. It makes sense. It even has hierarchy. It's using HTML5 tags so you and your browser know what is in this site. That's semantics, dude.
It has content on the screen. Your site has three bylines and link to your dribbble account, but you spread it over 7 full screens and make me click some bobbing button to show me how cool the jQuery ScrollTo plugin is.
Cross-browser compatibility? Load this site in IE6. I dare you.
Like the man who's never grown out his beard has no idea what his true natural state is, you have no idea what a website is. All you have ever seen are crappy skeuomorphic conversions of what should be just text communicating a message. This is a real, naked website. Look at it. It's simply beautiful.
I'm not actually saying your site should look like this. It's just that all the problem websites related problems we have are ones we created ourselves. Websites aren't broken by default, they are functional, high-performing, and accessible. You break them. You piece-of-crap.
"Good design is as little design as possible."
- some German dude
All these philosophies above are just the less profane version of this, that some genius dude made years ago. You should really check it out and try making your own. Bye now 👋